Bandyhates Note: My level 2 friend "Joel" as we'll refer to him decided that after purchasing some obscure candy in Canada that he HATED it so much he wanted to write about it. After reviewing this I just want to make clear that his views on people of a foriegn nature are inappropriate and mildly offensive so if you're a little crybaby or don't find foriegners inherently funny, don't read any further!
I have a natural distaste for most things that are foreign. Sure, any car that gets 38 miles per gallon and 250,000 miles of life with minimal maintenance is ok with me, but you know what I’m talking about. It starts with the foreigners. They hate Americans, they speak shitty English, they have weird shoes and weird shirts, their eyes are too far apart, they smell different, and they even try to barter for goods. Once you get past that you have all the ridiculous things that go along with foreign-ness… like cultures that glorify monkeys or cows, adding unnecessary “u”s into words like colour, shirts that button from the wrong side, enjoying soccer, and money called drakmas, krones, rupees, and francs. Ridiculous right?!
Well this edition of BandyHates brings you GALAK. Maybe this registers pretty low on the Hate-o-meter, but… it’s at least ridiculous enough to get on there.
Where to even begin? ...how about with flavor. GALAK has got to be the worst tasting candy I have ever had. It’s kind of like old milk, in stick form. In fact, this stuff is so bad they could throw it in a variety bag with Bit-o-Honeys and Mary Janes and sell it at Goodwill to that Romanian family down the street for 29¢ a bag. (You know, the one with 14 kids, 9 of them in jail). ...that is if you could buy GALAK anywhere in the good ol’ US. But you can’t. Now maybe we don’t have GALAK here because it tastes horrible, but much more likely, ...it’s because nobody would ever buy something with such a stupid name. Think GALAK is bad? In Europe GALAK is sold under the name Milkybar. Mmmmm.
What about the advertising? Well,... get a load of the dick on the box pretending he’s a baseball player. Do foreigners even play baseball? Either way, everyone knows that if you’re going to hit one out of the park, you sure as hell can’t do it with a giant stick of hardened milk.
Nutrition facts in foreign countries? ... well I guess it depends on the country, but when I did get my GALAK, I was lucky enough to have a table on the side which indicated to me how much “Energy” it would provide. Energy huh? I guess the FDA missed that one.
The list goes on and on. Truly, there are about 20 other things wrong with this candy, but I know that if a post is too long, no one will read it. So enjoy the scanned images from my GALAK box, and if you want some real laughs, Google “GALAK” and translate the second link down. Oh and also, Google images too.
Joel, I think that sounds pretty good.. like a "cowtale" but sweeter. You must be from Iraq or somewhere where people hate things that taste good. I bet you hate palm hearts and limburger cheese too!
Posted by: TheJones | October 18, 2005 at 09:14 AM
Nestle isn't foreign....just thoguth I'd clarify that.
Posted by: inFaMouS | July 13, 2006 at 05:05 PM
And... Nestle is owned by the Great Brittish company Cadbury's the biggest chocolate seller in the world.
Posted by: kympossible | July 17, 2006 at 01:20 PM
foreigner?I C well there is nothing wrong hating them..... every country hates them rite?I`m sure you do since yo hate so many other things... this is amazing!! how can you live your life dude?most ppl just ignore things... well gudluck.... for u
any way i spell color like this... kalar?lol
Posted by: John-nee be good | July 24, 2006 at 09:48 AM
umm yeah no one wants to read anything without those fun little orange subtitles :(
Posted by: Dennis Hamilton | December 26, 2006 at 02:01 PM
galak is like erm... what crunch is to milk chocolate, reeses to pb choc, m&ms to bite sized & etc... but for white chocolate in out of u.s. countries (well some). It's like when you thought white chocolate, you'd think galak. dunno bout the name though >.>
Posted by: saph | April 25, 2007 at 09:24 PM
hey, you look like the foreigner, guess you couldn't handle anything that didn't have like a diabetes provoking amount of suger.
America, land of the stupid obese
Posted by: some foreigner | October 05, 2008 at 12:39 AM