BandyHates

DOOR HOLDING

DOOR HOLDING. One of the most oft confusing and awkward sociological messes to ever burden mankind.

The way you even go about this says tons about the type of person you are. Are you being a kind soul trying to give another person a little added convienience during the day, or are you a douchebag, doomed to obliviously burden others with your so called "kindness" which is anything but.

Pay attention here. If the person you are so generously holding the door for feels obligated to change from a casual stroll to a panicked run to grab the open door, you have just COMPLETELY FAILED in your little act of kindness. Not only that, but you have just utterly reversed the situation - and now THEY are going out of their way to not inconvienience YOU. Believe me when I say this to all of you that continue to hold open doors for others. We, the potential door openers, would much rather open the god damn door ourselves then be forced to run up and grab it.

Now, the one obvious variable in all of this is, of course, is the distance from the door the other person is at when you decide to hold the door or not. If the distance between you and the person behind you is anything more than 5 feet away (about 1.5 meters for you dirty foriegners), simply let the door go and be on your way.

If you enjoy obliviously holding a door at up to 20 feet away from another person headed your way, you are in fact a douchebag, and you don't even know it.

You're all welcome for me bringing this to your attention and lack of common sense.

LOL BYE.

WHAT?

TURKISH DELIGHT

There is no way in hell that somebody could realistically sell out their own family over a plate of TURKISH DELIGHT. Now that I've tried it, I KNOW.

DARING OFFICE ROBBERY

READ THIS.

I arrived literally a minute after this all went down.
.
And that post doesn't mention what color he was to avoid any accusations of racism. Sadly, he was a negro. The brothers have let the fine, upstanding, WHITE citizens of glenside down again..

Look, I'm just pissed because that fucker took my ps2 memory card with him. WITH 5 YEARS OF GAME SAVES ON IT.

GOD.

DAMMIT.

I HATE THE SELECT BUTTON

So I picked up a Nintendo DS Lite the other day...the first game system I've bought since the PS2 a few yrs ago. Yes, this is starting to sound like such a typical blog post...well I'm not even gonna tell you if I like it or not - go to another sissy gaming site for that.

I'm here to point out what the DS reminded me of that I hate SO much.

Yes - THE SELECT BUTTON. The totally worthless, totally useless, NEVER USED button on every controller ever made...and don't even try and be like "oh but this one game I..." NO! I don't want to hear it. It's totally useless. Even the "Start" button is becoming questionable. Oh you know I'm right.

God dammit even those clever assholes at microsoft sort of knew it and decided to make their select button the "back" button. Yet..YET, whenever you're in a menu on the xbox 360, what button do they tell you to push to "go back"?

The RED "B" button.

Fuckin god, I'm going to lunch. Another day ruined.

I Hate The Luge

It's a sad, sad day when I think that boring, repetitive, gay sport known as figure skating isn't on the top of my Most Hated Winter Olympic Events.

No, no my dear readers...that goes to "The Luge". It's not enough that I have to see the "lugers" spandexed cock fly by at 100 mph...or whatever that translates to in kilometers you stupid foriegners.
(yes I know it's a technically better system - shut the hell up).

It's the fact that it must be the most unaccessible sport on the face of the planet. What's the fucking point. I mean, have you ever seen Cool Runnings? Just look at what those poor starving africans had to go though. What kind of event has like the top 20 "lugers" in the olympic games when only THIRTY in the world even know how to fucking luge!

Oh, and it's just plain gay. If I see the outline of a cock in your suit - your sport is gay.

Thank you.

2006 Summer Fashion Beat-Down #1

Let's get something straight. Wearing loafers with no socks AND shorts is WRONG. IT'S OFFENSIVE.

Just who the hell do you think you are? You can't just casually strut around with those worn out bacteria factories on your feet and the daisy dukes and think that's OK. You're probably married, over 35 and therefore have lost all sense of style, but it's no excuse.

I bet this type of person even has the "nice loafers" and the "garden/outdoor grilling loafers". You SO deserve to die it's not even funny.

If I see you, I'm going to give you a major beat down, then laugh at your kids and call them ugly to their little crying faces.

Also, you may get an even BIGGER beat down if the following conditions are met:

- your loafers have tassles on them

- your shirt is tucked in

- your wife refers to you as her "hubby"

Blind Hatred Friday

What a novel idea, every friday I want every person with a blog to post about something they just REALLY hate for absolutely no reason whatsoever. This thins just pisses you off. You can even use me...although I think most people would hate me for a specific reason and not no reason.

This week's blind hatred is PUGGLES. Oh so cute, these puppies are a cross-breed between a Pug and a Beagle.

Go on you stupid parents, go buy your whiney brat one of these mutts, only to get sick of em shitting on the rug after a week then shipping em back to the pound.

Puggles. UGH.

Mountain Dew: Pitch Black II

You know...there's a sucker born every minute. And almost 27 yrs ago there was one born with my very name...which umm..happened to be me.

At the supermarket the other day, with GREAT HESITATION, I bought a limited edition pack of soda. There it was, this intriguing purple case of mountain dew sitting on top of thirty other totally normal green cases. Just one left...or more likely, the only one even shipped to the damn store. "Mountain Dew: Pitch Black II" it was called...what an amazingly shitty name. Even shittier than the orange flavored "Mountain Dew: LiveWire". Oh yeah, it's the shitty sequel of the equally bad "Mountain Dew: Pitch Black" that came out last year at the same time. The tag line is "BACK WITH A SOUR BITE!". Wow, go fuck yourself PepsiCo ad department.

You know when a father says to his kid - "Son, I'm not angry with you..I'm just extremely disapointed." That's exactly how I feel here. I trust that swirly, energetic red and green logo to stand for quality, and they let me down. When I drink from one of those cans, I WANT to feel like screaming "DO THE DEW!" at the top of my lungs and then jumping out of a plane with jetpacks while being chased by an alien spaceship with three of my most radical mountain dew drinking friends. Not this time...not this time.

I can't even bring myself to post the Hate-o-meter. On the Disappoint-o-meter it's an 11 out of 10. I think I'm gonna go cry.

Magical Mustaches

Now that I have a job again and am actually leaving the apartment once more I have quickly remembered something that baffles me to no end.

WOMEN WITH MUSTACHES. Not peach fuzz, I'm talkin dark hairs.

You are violating a MAJOR unwritten rule of society and I simply won't tolerate it. Can't you see it? Don't you wenches have a damn mirror you stare into 3 hours a morning getting all gussied up? Is it invisible? Do you LIKE looking like my dad?